Each of you may need to make an outline of exactly what you feel is a fair consequence of the child's misbehavior then compare the lists to hopefully form some type of overall guide.
Now, with this being said, I need to mention one thing.
Your BF when he chastizes you in front of the children, makes you appear to be someone who can be ignored or disrespected.
He needs to talk with you about the children's behavior. As for feeling second best: His having you play babysitter is not fair if you are given no say in anythig the child does.
Molly Good Golly - I took your advice and we sat down and carefully went over both of our expectations and ideas about raising children and how we would do this together, hypothetically. However, since then two things have occurred that I think I handled incorrectly -- yet at the time I was very hurt.